Thursday, July 22, 2010

In a World Where We Are All Hungry to Be Skinny

My goal in life has never been to look “hungry.” No matter how many fashion magazines, billboards, TV, Movies and basic interactions with multimedia I have everyday. But. I wouldn’t mid being 20 pounds slimmer.
I have always been an athlete, the only freshman on Varsity Softball, Cross Country, Soccer etc. I workout 5 days a week, mostly running (or swimming since I do live in Florida after all). MY weight has always fluctuated. Usually for the good, though, it took a turn for the worse when I went backpacking through Europe.
Everyone told me I would lose SO much weight the 2 months I went through Europe with The Boyfriend. Well, I suppose for most people who don’t exercise walking all day everyday is a lot. It wasn’t for me, I didn’t have space for anything but the bare, bare necessities. So I didn’t bring running shoes or clothes. I just walked. Didn’t do the usually 8 mile job or bike ride or swim, I walked. This changed my body a lot, well, no the eating did. I ate my way through Scotland, England, Germany, France, Amsterdam etc. On any given country the diet was as followed.

Scotland, “Oh, bacon sandwich with haggis? With crisps and pudding? Okay!”
England, “Full English fry ups every morning (English breakfast), okay!”
France, “Croissant with butter and wine and cheese? Okay!”
Germany, “Sausage and Spätzle and beer? Okay!”
Amsterdam, “Toasties with extra cheese and magic brownies with hash? Okay!”

When I got back to the states I was fatter then I had left. And EVERYONE, everyone, felt the need to tell me this. It hurt my feelings, every time I was at work people criticized me, I wasn’t even close to being fat! I had just gained a solid 10 pounds. It didn’t even bother me until it bothered everyone else. It overshadowed that I actually went to Europe! Or maybe jealous bitches just made comments about my weight to make themselves feel better about not going to Europe then me and being way older.
Slowly the weight came off, I didn’t rush it, I just went back to normalcy. I started to workout again and eat normal food. Yet now I always feel like I could still lose more weight. On my best days I’m a size 5, on my worst a 7 or 8. This weight gain got into my head.
I never knew my weight was such a public subject at work, now I know and it makes me uneasy. I feel for those overweight, they must constantly feel attacked. Not just attacked, consumed. We will always need food to live, its not like drugs or booze where you can cut it out and survive. It’s a scary thing my friends. One must be a tough cookie to get by in this world. Or a low fat tough cookie.