My Favorite Quotes on Women

Young wives are the leading asset of corporate power. They want the suburbs, a house, a settled life, and respectability. They want society to see that they have exchanged themselves for something of value. ~Ralph Nader


Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. ~Isadora Duncan


Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths. ~Lois Wyse

Never let the hand you hold, hold you down. ~Author Unknown

Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes." They will say, "Women don't have what it takes." ~Clare Boothe Luce

Because women's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it's our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't we're frigid and if we love women it's because we can't get a "real" man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect childcare we're selfish and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural and because we still can't get an adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made to feel guilty about abortion and...for lots of other reasons we are part of the women's liberation movement. ~Author unknown, quoted in The Torch, 14 September 1987

More bad News

Can’t go back to school in the fall because of the hospital bills because of the person who attacked me causing me to break my elbow and have surgery. Devastated. I wish iwishiwishiwishiwish

I have a day anti wrinkle cream and an intense night wrinkle cream followed by vitamin C on neck and chest and hands. I avoid 'tanning,' 'sun bathing' etc. When i run during the day i cover up with spf 50.

I know how ridicules this is. I spent so many years in the sun playing sports im just tyring to avoid the consequences. I know im too young to be using all this stuff but i dont think I'll ever be injecting botox or getting a face lift. Gross
I dont think boys ever have to worry about this, in fact, they get better with age {so we are told.} Theres no way a 60 year old women will be as sexy as 'distinguished older men,' like George Clooney, Robert Redford etc.

Its hard to age as a women. Jeez, ill wonder how ill feel at 30.

In a World Where We Are All Hungry to Be Skinny

My goal in life has never been to look “hungry.” No matter how many fashion magazines, billboards, TV, Movies and basic interactions with multimedia I have everyday. But. I wouldn’t mid being 20 pounds slimmer.
I have always been an athlete, the only freshman on Varsity Softball, Cross Country, Soccer etc. I workout 5 days a week, mostly running (or swimming since I do live in Florida after all). MY weight has always fluctuated. Usually for the good, though, it took a turn for the worse when I went backpacking through Europe.
Everyone told me I would lose SO much weight the 2 months I went through Europe with The Boyfriend. Well, I suppose for most people who don’t exercise walking all day everyday is a lot. It wasn’t for me, I didn’t have space for anything but the bare, bare necessities. So I didn’t bring running shoes or clothes. I just walked. Didn’t do the usually 8 mile job or bike ride or swim, I walked. This changed my body a lot, well, no the eating did. I ate my way through Scotland, England, Germany, France, Amsterdam etc. On any given country the diet was as followed.

Scotland, “Oh, bacon sandwich with haggis? With crisps and pudding? Okay!”
England, “Full English fry ups every morning (English breakfast), okay!”
France, “Croissant with butter and wine and cheese? Okay!”
Germany, “Sausage and Spätzle and beer? Okay!”
Amsterdam, “Toasties with extra cheese and magic brownies with hash? Okay!”

When I got back to the states I was fatter then I had left. And EVERYONE, everyone, felt the need to tell me this. It hurt my feelings, every time I was at work people criticized me, I wasn’t even close to being fat! I had just gained a solid 10 pounds. It didn’t even bother me until it bothered everyone else. It overshadowed that I actually went to Europe! Or maybe jealous bitches just made comments about my weight to make themselves feel better about not going to Europe then me and being way older.
Slowly the weight came off, I didn’t rush it, I just went back to normalcy. I started to workout again and eat normal food. Yet now I always feel like I could still lose more weight. On my best days I’m a size 5, on my worst a 7 or 8. This weight gain got into my head.
I never knew my weight was such a public subject at work, now I know and it makes me uneasy. I feel for those overweight, they must constantly feel attacked. Not just attacked, consumed. We will always need food to live, its not like drugs or booze where you can cut it out and survive. It’s a scary thing my friends. One must be a tough cookie to get by in this world. Or a low fat tough cookie.

Parenting Cult

I am constantly surprised by people.
For instance, when I say I don’t want kids (most likely) they call me selfish.
Selfish? Knowing ones limitations is selfish? Pfff.

For one thing I’ve never felt that desire, the want, to settle down and have kids. So I’m just going to say the things you aren’t suppose to say about people who have kids;
They. Look. Miserable.
Parents want people to join their cult so they can be miserable with you. Parents bully nonparents into it with statements like; “You don’t want kids? That’s so selfish!” or “But they’re the greatest joys in life.” Really? Then why do you look so angry all the time?
My sister just had a baby and she is exhausted, all the time. I’ve babysat, you constantly have to entertain a child and this means lowering your IQ with baby talk and kids show. There is no adult conversation. It’s draining and unfulfilling (to me).
Everything, everything, a child does is sooo amazing to these parents. They fill baby blogs justifying how unique their kids are when really, they are like everyone else’s kids. They have to tell themselves they are unique to make all this time worth it. Parents live through their kids, making them seem that much more…..pathetic.
I know how hard it will be as a woman to have a child; I know I would be making the sacrifices. Spending the time, the energy to feed, cloth and bath them. Of course men love kids; they work all day and spend 2 hours with them. The most valuable thing in life is time, not youth or money, but time. Kids suck that from you (as well as youth and money).
For other reasons I don’t think this is a world where I want to bring more innocent babies into. Especially since there are so many already here waiting for a parent, why not adopt. This world is a fucked up place. I just don’t think its okay to being more life here when there’s too many already with no parents. Who cares if the baby doesn’t look like you? Neither do our pets and we don’t love them any less.
If children are our future, save the futures of the ones already here.

A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Ever feel so lonely? Even though you have a great spouse (or partner), friends, coworkers, pet and family?

I do.

I feel hella guilty too.

There are so many people who have the right to feel way more lonely then me.
1. The Homeless
2. The Elderly in Nursing Homes (Satan's Home)
3. Refugees from our wars aka great USA
4. People that have lost a husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend
5. Military families
6. Single mom's (like my wonderful sister)
7. Mom's in general

Even stating the above doesn't make my feelings anymore valid but they're still there.
Is it from me being unable to relate to people my own age? Im not better then anyone else but most people i try to talk to care what happened on The Hills more then the world. Or getting drunk off of Bud Light. Yum.

Anyways


Maybe im just being a bitch but 99% of what i see on blogspot are moms stuffing our eye's with "our miracle baby" or "our family blog" and they are no different then 99% others. Born, multiply, die. Is makes me more sure then ever to never want to have kids. They seem to take your identity. Make you 'just a mom.' Maybe its just the moms from the square states. my sister is still hot and single with a life. Who (?) knows.

I suppsoe happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product

The Boyfriend and I

the ex

The ex (C) called late in the afternoon yesterday. The one whose friends hated me and the one who knocked up his rebound? Couldn't begin to care what he wants so i let it ring, no voicemail. Told The Boyfriend about it. Trying to not hide things from him, must learn from past mistakes.
I just don't know why he called, what could he have to say?
1. I miss you
2. Baby/bastard is born
3. I'm an ass hole
4. 'wants to be friends' which is ridiculous since i cant stand him as a person let alone a friend.

I need to find my copy of 'The Art of War' to refresh my tactics.
Ugg, pisses me off thinking about it.

Job market is shit, especially for me to find a job, yes i have a job but a job in my chosen field of study would be nice . I feel like I'm wasting my time, waiting.
Thinking of teaching English in a foreign country (as my brother does), just to get outta hear. Need excitement, need travel. Need space from everyone.

Europe, The Boyfriend and the Elbow

Since leaving this journal idle for 2 years much has happened. My brother has moved to Japan, I went backpacking through Europe, my (little sister) got married and had a baby and I moved to Palm Beach Island. Oh and i got attacked while running causing me to break elbow with surgery. I have the best luck with men.
I thought Europe would change me in a way that would be unshakable but you lose that change coming back to the daily grind (aka bullshit). People still watch shit shows there like The Hills or MTV in general, still listen to shit pop dance music, it just seems more exotic. Don't get me wrong, it did change me, it did make me grow and learn and open my mind to a world more then America. Unless you move there its hard to keep that change fresh in your mind. I don't understand how my brother was able to move across the world alone to Japan all on his own for the last, what 3 years? Crazy.

Oh and a new boyfriend, did i not mention that?

A DRAMA FREE, non-cheating, nice guy. You know, a guy you doesn't have friends that call you a slut? German at that, met at FAU of all places. Shall be dubbed 'the boyfriend.' The boyfriend is so sweet, a feminist, a good guy. But i give myself shit for jumping from one boy to the next....so typical for most girls and well...me now too. It just seems so needy, so not me.

Moved to Palm Beach Island, eye rolls all around. The Boyfriend hooked me up with his sister's old apartment so the rent is, well, the right price as in no price (for me). My money is going to medical bills to an accident when i got attacked going running, causing me to fall and break my elbow and have SURGERY. Even though I HAVE health Insurance, it only covered 80% so now i owe the balance. Fuck. Even talking about it pisses me off. Add it to the list. Why would someone attack me anyways? I was just running, minding my own business. It makes me so jumpy now, i always feel watched, always looking over my shoulder. Even less trusting of men if its possible. I've never, ever been so scared.

I also ran a half marathon after breaking my elbow, talk about pain, but it was important to me to do it, so i did it. On a lot of pain meds. I guess to prove to myself i can still be strong, even with an injury and being attacked.

World Cup has been my saving grace for my foul moods. I thought i was supposed to grow out of my teenage angst? Looks like they'll be sticking around.

24 going on 18 or 30?

"Slutty Bitch" Its been two years since that post, I'm still a bitch, not sure i was ever really slutty. Must update this blog, really, its a good outlet for all the creativity I never use at work. Ever. Speaking of work, here now, someone brought in their 'adorable' child, I'm the only one not out there cooing at it. Its a kid. Big deal. See, STILL a bitch!
uggI need a real job.
Scary thought; 6 years ago i was 18, 6 years from now ill be 30. I feel no less awkward now then i did at 18.

My everyday fighting the good fight for women's rights has gotten put aside for the everyday work to pay bills and well, survive. I'm still a loud mouth feminist with the ever internal struggle of what I'm told a pretty 24 year old is supposed to worry about (my body, hair, boyfriend, partying, etc).

Lately no matter where i am, I'm wishing, wanting to be anywhere else. Especially here.