Parenting Cult

I am constantly surprised by people.
For instance, when I say I don’t want kids (most likely) they call me selfish.
Selfish? Knowing ones limitations is selfish? Pfff.

For one thing I’ve never felt that desire, the want, to settle down and have kids. So I’m just going to say the things you aren’t suppose to say about people who have kids;
They. Look. Miserable.
Parents want people to join their cult so they can be miserable with you. Parents bully nonparents into it with statements like; “You don’t want kids? That’s so selfish!” or “But they’re the greatest joys in life.” Really? Then why do you look so angry all the time?
My sister just had a baby and she is exhausted, all the time. I’ve babysat, you constantly have to entertain a child and this means lowering your IQ with baby talk and kids show. There is no adult conversation. It’s draining and unfulfilling (to me).
Everything, everything, a child does is sooo amazing to these parents. They fill baby blogs justifying how unique their kids are when really, they are like everyone else’s kids. They have to tell themselves they are unique to make all this time worth it. Parents live through their kids, making them seem that much more…..pathetic.
I know how hard it will be as a woman to have a child; I know I would be making the sacrifices. Spending the time, the energy to feed, cloth and bath them. Of course men love kids; they work all day and spend 2 hours with them. The most valuable thing in life is time, not youth or money, but time. Kids suck that from you (as well as youth and money).
For other reasons I don’t think this is a world where I want to bring more innocent babies into. Especially since there are so many already here waiting for a parent, why not adopt. This world is a fucked up place. I just don’t think its okay to being more life here when there’s too many already with no parents. Who cares if the baby doesn’t look like you? Neither do our pets and we don’t love them any less.
If children are our future, save the futures of the ones already here.

A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Ever feel so lonely? Even though you have a great spouse (or partner), friends, coworkers, pet and family?

I do.

I feel hella guilty too.

There are so many people who have the right to feel way more lonely then me.
1. The Homeless
2. The Elderly in Nursing Homes (Satan's Home)
3. Refugees from our wars aka great USA
4. People that have lost a husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend
5. Military families
6. Single mom's (like my wonderful sister)
7. Mom's in general

Even stating the above doesn't make my feelings anymore valid but they're still there.
Is it from me being unable to relate to people my own age? Im not better then anyone else but most people i try to talk to care what happened on The Hills more then the world. Or getting drunk off of Bud Light. Yum.

Anyways


Maybe im just being a bitch but 99% of what i see on blogspot are moms stuffing our eye's with "our miracle baby" or "our family blog" and they are no different then 99% others. Born, multiply, die. Is makes me more sure then ever to never want to have kids. They seem to take your identity. Make you 'just a mom.' Maybe its just the moms from the square states. my sister is still hot and single with a life. Who (?) knows.

I suppsoe happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product

The Boyfriend and I

the ex

The ex (C) called late in the afternoon yesterday. The one whose friends hated me and the one who knocked up his rebound? Couldn't begin to care what he wants so i let it ring, no voicemail. Told The Boyfriend about it. Trying to not hide things from him, must learn from past mistakes.
I just don't know why he called, what could he have to say?
1. I miss you
2. Baby/bastard is born
3. I'm an ass hole
4. 'wants to be friends' which is ridiculous since i cant stand him as a person let alone a friend.

I need to find my copy of 'The Art of War' to refresh my tactics.
Ugg, pisses me off thinking about it.

Job market is shit, especially for me to find a job, yes i have a job but a job in my chosen field of study would be nice . I feel like I'm wasting my time, waiting.
Thinking of teaching English in a foreign country (as my brother does), just to get outta hear. Need excitement, need travel. Need space from everyone.

Europe, The Boyfriend and the Elbow

Since leaving this journal idle for 2 years much has happened. My brother has moved to Japan, I went backpacking through Europe, my (little sister) got married and had a baby and I moved to Palm Beach Island. Oh and i got attacked while running causing me to break elbow with surgery. I have the best luck with men.
I thought Europe would change me in a way that would be unshakable but you lose that change coming back to the daily grind (aka bullshit). People still watch shit shows there like The Hills or MTV in general, still listen to shit pop dance music, it just seems more exotic. Don't get me wrong, it did change me, it did make me grow and learn and open my mind to a world more then America. Unless you move there its hard to keep that change fresh in your mind. I don't understand how my brother was able to move across the world alone to Japan all on his own for the last, what 3 years? Crazy.

Oh and a new boyfriend, did i not mention that?

A DRAMA FREE, non-cheating, nice guy. You know, a guy you doesn't have friends that call you a slut? German at that, met at FAU of all places. Shall be dubbed 'the boyfriend.' The boyfriend is so sweet, a feminist, a good guy. But i give myself shit for jumping from one boy to the next....so typical for most girls and well...me now too. It just seems so needy, so not me.

Moved to Palm Beach Island, eye rolls all around. The Boyfriend hooked me up with his sister's old apartment so the rent is, well, the right price as in no price (for me). My money is going to medical bills to an accident when i got attacked going running, causing me to fall and break my elbow and have SURGERY. Even though I HAVE health Insurance, it only covered 80% so now i owe the balance. Fuck. Even talking about it pisses me off. Add it to the list. Why would someone attack me anyways? I was just running, minding my own business. It makes me so jumpy now, i always feel watched, always looking over my shoulder. Even less trusting of men if its possible. I've never, ever been so scared.

I also ran a half marathon after breaking my elbow, talk about pain, but it was important to me to do it, so i did it. On a lot of pain meds. I guess to prove to myself i can still be strong, even with an injury and being attacked.

World Cup has been my saving grace for my foul moods. I thought i was supposed to grow out of my teenage angst? Looks like they'll be sticking around.

24 going on 18 or 30?

"Slutty Bitch" Its been two years since that post, I'm still a bitch, not sure i was ever really slutty. Must update this blog, really, its a good outlet for all the creativity I never use at work. Ever. Speaking of work, here now, someone brought in their 'adorable' child, I'm the only one not out there cooing at it. Its a kid. Big deal. See, STILL a bitch!
uggI need a real job.
Scary thought; 6 years ago i was 18, 6 years from now ill be 30. I feel no less awkward now then i did at 18.

My everyday fighting the good fight for women's rights has gotten put aside for the everyday work to pay bills and well, survive. I'm still a loud mouth feminist with the ever internal struggle of what I'm told a pretty 24 year old is supposed to worry about (my body, hair, boyfriend, partying, etc).

Lately no matter where i am, I'm wishing, wanting to be anywhere else. Especially here.

"slutty bitch"

Got a Facebook message from one of Chris delightful friends, calling me a "slutty bitch."

I thought it was man-faced Liz or Chris over looking this girls shoulder telling them what to write.  Well whomever was behind it, it offended me both as a bitch and someone who doesn't view sex as a slutty thing. 

What's wrong with being a bitch? Or sexual curious? I don't get it, when did being a strong women mean you were wrong? I know I'm overly assertive, aggressive, physical, cocky,  loud mouthed and opinionated, so why wouldn't this AWESOME FSU girl call me a man? Wouldn't that be more accurate in her closed-extremely sexist mind? I would, by today's sexist standards i suppose. 

Well the slutty part I don't get, I'm the most moderately dressed person i know when i "go out." Sorry i can't help it if guys hit on me, even ones that may have a girlfriend.  Girls whom are intimidated by other girls usually are called sluts which is what I assume this is. 

Hmmm well, as Kanye West would say, "take this haters"  I could care less.