Quarter Life

2010-11-11T20:47:00.000-05:00

While driving to work, a (man?boy?asshole?) in a tricked out monster style truck, sped up as he saw a black kitten crossing the road and promptly ran over it. As I pulled up to the light he stopped at, he was laughing hysterically.

I am reminded of how much I hate the world.

2010-11-09T20:50:00.000-05:00

Aphex Twin is good for the soul. So is the losing the baggage of past relationships, friendships and acquaintances. People always trying to take from you, never giving.
Then you find the one, and you know, you just really 100% really do know. Just like they tell you.

Its easy to be cynical about love because you’ve never really had it. Cynicism is very easy confused with knowledge and being profound. Really its just being afraid. When you really love someone you will do whatever it takes to keep it sacred and pure.

2010-10-19T19:27:00.001-04:00

I can’t remember when, it was within a few days maybe, it was an ex boyfriends birthday. It’s so strange how someone can seem so important in your life for so long and just slip away. As if they never existed to you at all. Another face in the world, no real feelings when his name is mentioned in conversation in passing. Not even enough to remember his birthday.

Can’t help but think of karma. He wanted so badly to not be tied down, to go off in the world. Then we break up, fully allowing himself to go out in the world and what does he do? He fucks the 1st girl right after me (rebound) and gets her pregnant. He moves to where she’s from in a shit state and ties himself down to a life of what could have been. Karma is a bitch. He did the exact opposite of what he wanted trapped himself with someone he can only kid himself with for so long. I know him. I know what he must be feeling. And you know what I say?

Happy Fucking Birthday fucker. Karma well deserved.

2010-09-29T19:40:00.000-04:00

In the day to day comings and goings of life it’s so easy to lose the goal you once had.

Whether it’s a goal to change the world, ‘make it’, follow ones passions, travel the world or live freely, it gets lost.

It gets lost in the bills, 9-5 jobs, school or families. The everyday. The detestable, mundane, everyday comings and goings. Is there anything more depressing? It’s like getting brainwashed. Knowingly getting brainwashed, how sick have we all become.

Will there ever be a day where i feel free?

2010-09-18T22:49:00.000-04:00

Went to an engagement/bridal shower party today for a very good friend of mine, (so close we’re born on the same day/year/almost same time). I didn’t know any of the other girls there, all 20 something, and nearly all, all of them were engaged/about to have kids. They have been with their significant others less time then Eric and I have been together and these girls couldn’t get why marriage is not something I aspire to.

“Two years??! You’ve been with you’re boyfriend for two years and didn’t get a ring?” I couldn’t understand them, just as they couldn’t understand me. They had no interests in travel, exploring, hell even working, they all wanted to be someone’s wife. That is not something I want, to be someone’s……wife. I feel you loose your identity.

Here’s the kicker, the shower gift for the guests were chocolates and a fake glass cut engagement ring, very cute. I tried it on……and….i didn’t hate the way it looked. How strange is that?

I never wanted marriage or kids, anytime I said this to my mom, she dismissed it. Said that ‘she felt that way too then she wanted all those things when she turned 20 and so will I.’ But she didn’t go to college and got married at 18. She keeps hinting I need to get married. For what? I wanna be with someone because I want to be there, not because a piece of paper tells me I should be.

I give two middle fingers to the world that says a women needs to have a ring on her finger to prove her worth.

2010-08-24T19:53:00.001-04:00

Do you ever watch a film in the theater, and think, I wonder if the ex saw that, compare it to you or another girl, see the mistakes, make the comparisons to your old relationship?

I do. I just doubt he was too.

2010-08-19T19:33:00.000-04:00

The human race is an unfair and stupid competition. A lot of the runners don't even get decent sneakers or clean drinking water. Some people are born with a massive head start, every possible help along the way and still the referees seem to be on their side. It's not surprising some people have given up competing altogether and gone to sit in the grandstand, eat junk food and shout abuse. What we need in this race is a lot more streakers.

2010-08-18T17:57:00.000-04:00

According to the local paper, Sun-Sentinel, women who make more money then their male partner increase their risk of being cheated on. This sounds like bullshit propaganda.
The ‘scientist’ who did the research, I’m sure, was mostly males, making it biased to begin with. Scaring women into submission isn’t going to work. What are we supposed to do, apologies for our success? Since hmm… about forever, men have always made more then women and dictated what women made since they were our boss in the work place until recently.
Men that cheat aren’t men anyways; they are little boys with daddy issues (or worse, mommy issues) or they are like my ex and have ego issues (which are so undeserved it’s hysterical, (you’d think someone with an ego that big would have a penis to match, alas, no.)
To quote Sam from S&TC, “men have had issues since women walked out of the cave, looked around and said, ‘this doesn’t look so hard.’” These issues they instill in us as women have always been their issues with women.

MEN”S BACKWARD ASS DOUBLE STANDARDS
be pretty but not so pretty that we are threatening
be independent and never needy, but need ‘them’ to help ‘us’ with ‘guy stuff’
not to be slutty, but know your way around the penis
have an opinion, as long as it’s the same as theirs
have a job but make less then them
no ‘drama’ but wants to watch cat fights
be scary skinny to live up to how we are ‘supposed’ to look and complain when we eat like a bird with anorexia when they take us out to dinner
never, ever bring up their short comings, but all of our body/work/behavior is up for debate
look at other women in front of us, then get mad at guys who check us out when we are with you.
men want a partner with a job, but they also want a “second shift” job of nanny/house cleaner/chef/personal assistant/sex worker/mother (especially when sick)

To quote good old Gloria, “Some of us are becoming the man we wanted to marry”

Happy Friday the 13th!

2010-08-13T12:35:00.015-04:00

My friend Patti tells me i need to be more positive, shes probably right but it feels so unnatural. At 24 I thought I'd be somewhere different in my life, and well, I'd have a better job in my life. I know I'm lucky to even have a job, how lucky i am to live in Palm Beach and travel to Europe, Mexico, the Bahamas, Canada, and Disney World (like 4 times a year) and have such good friends. It's so easy to forget the good when you concentrate on the bad.

So here, in no particular order, are the things that make me feel smile.

Dressing up and reading about Marie Antoinette

My Dog, Merlin

Graduation

My best friends, whose pictures i can't add without their permission, Patti, Becky, Ashley, Ann, Elisha, my sister Annabell and Eric.

and my newest family member, my niece Felicity, Annabell's baby girl

and of course this guy

2010-08-10T20:08:00.003-04:00

At what age is one ‘supposed’ to have a career? I know its easy to say the economy sucks and blah blah but I’m feeling like I’m falling short on that spectrum. Maybe I'm okay with that.

You do well in High School to go to a good College then do well in college to go to a good Grad School or get a good Job. Then you work for 40 years with one week vacations here and there then you retire, then you die. Sounds like no fun to me.

I wonder at work if I'm the only crazy one thinking this society is sick for having a system like that. Schooled to work, work till old, then die.

What if you want a job where your not looking out the window wishing you were somewhere else? If you want to constantly be moving and exploring. Do jobs like this exist?

There is so much world out there, i dont want to be trapped in a job.

Run like hell and get the agony over with.

2010-08-08T23:57:00.003-04:00

(Left Photo, Me on right, Elisha Left) (Right photo, me about to die towards the end)

Ran my first half marathon (Disney Princess run) and currently training for a full marathon. I dont know why i love to run so much. I mean, nothing, nothing can humble you like a marathon can. I guess since i have a shit job, a small apartment, with school and work it would drive anyone crazy. I guess i know if i can run that first 7 miles and then another 7, my day can only get better.

"A runner runs against himself, against the best that's in him. Not against a dead thing of wheels and pulleys. That's the way to be great, running against yourself. Against all the rotten mess in the world. Against God, if you’re good enough."

2010-08-04T20:07:00.001-04:00

I need to get away, I need to travel. My feet are itching to move and i cant stay here much longer without getting frustrated. Please let me get the job with Amnesty International.

My Favorite Quotes on Women

2010-07-29T17:42:00.001-04:00

Young wives are the leading asset of corporate power. They want the suburbs, a house, a settled life, and respectability. They want society to see that they have exchanged themselves for something of value. ~Ralph Nader

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. ~Isadora Duncan

Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths. ~Lois Wyse

Never let the hand you hold, hold you down. ~Author Unknown

Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes." They will say, "Women don't have what it takes." ~Clare Boothe Luce

Because women's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it's our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't we're frigid and if we love women it's because we can't get a "real" man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect childcare we're selfish and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural and because we still can't get an adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made to feel guilty about abortion and...for lots of other reasons we are part of the women's liberation movement. ~Author unknown, quoted in The Torch, 14 September 1987

More bad News

2010-07-28T17:55:00.000-04:00

Can’t go back to school in the fall because of the hospital bills because of the person who attacked me causing me to break my elbow and have surgery. Devastated. I wish iwishiwishiwishiwish

2010-07-26T13:17:00.002-04:00

I have a day anti wrinkle cream and an intense night wrinkle cream followed by vitamin C on neck and chest and hands. I avoid 'tanning,' 'sun bathing' etc. When i run during the day i cover up with spf 50.

I know how ridicules this is. I spent so many years in the sun playing sports im just tyring to avoid the consequences. I know im too young to be using all this stuff but i dont think I'll ever be injecting botox or getting a face lift. Gross
I dont think boys ever have to worry about this, in fact, they get better with age {so we are told.} Theres no way a 60 year old women will be as sexy as 'distinguished older men,' like George Clooney, Robert Redford etc.

Its hard to age as a women. Jeez, ill wonder how ill feel at 30.

In a World Where We Are All Hungry to Be Skinny

2010-07-22T17:08:00.000-04:00

My goal in life has never been to look “hungry.” No matter how many fashion magazines, billboards, TV, Movies and basic interactions with multimedia I have everyday. But. I wouldn’t mid being 20 pounds slimmer.
I have always been an athlete, the only freshman on Varsity Softball, Cross Country, Soccer etc. I workout 5 days a week, mostly running (or swimming since I do live in Florida after all). MY weight has always fluctuated. Usually for the good, though, it took a turn for the worse when I went backpacking through Europe.
Everyone told me I would lose SO much weight the 2 months I went through Europe with The Boyfriend. Well, I suppose for most people who don’t exercise walking all day everyday is a lot. It wasn’t for me, I didn’t have space for anything but the bare, bare necessities. So I didn’t bring running shoes or clothes. I just walked. Didn’t do the usually 8 mile job or bike ride or swim, I walked. This changed my body a lot, well, no the eating did. I ate my way through Scotland, England, Germany, France, Amsterdam etc. On any given country the diet was as followed.

Scotland, “Oh, bacon sandwich with haggis? With crisps and pudding? Okay!”
England, “Full English fry ups every morning (English breakfast), okay!”
France, “Croissant with butter and wine and cheese? Okay!”
Germany, “Sausage and Spätzle and beer? Okay!”
Amsterdam, “Toasties with extra cheese and magic brownies with hash? Okay!”

When I got back to the states I was fatter then I had left. And EVERYONE, everyone, felt the need to tell me this. It hurt my feelings, every time I was at work people criticized me, I wasn’t even close to being fat! I had just gained a solid 10 pounds. It didn’t even bother me until it bothered everyone else. It overshadowed that I actually went to Europe! Or maybe jealous bitches just made comments about my weight to make themselves feel better about not going to Europe then me and being way older.
Slowly the weight came off, I didn’t rush it, I just went back to normalcy. I started to workout again and eat normal food. Yet now I always feel like I could still lose more weight. On my best days I’m a size 5, on my worst a 7 or 8. This weight gain got into my head.
I never knew my weight was such a public subject at work, now I know and it makes me uneasy. I feel for those overweight, they must constantly feel attacked. Not just attacked, consumed. We will always need food to live, its not like drugs or booze where you can cut it out and survive. It’s a scary thing my friends. One must be a tough cookie to get by in this world. Or a low fat tough cookie.

Parenting Cult

2010-07-20T16:47:00.000-04:00

I am constantly surprised by people.
For instance, when I say I don’t want kids (most likely) they call me selfish.
Selfish? Knowing ones limitations is selfish? Pfff.

For one thing I’ve never felt that desire, the want, to settle down and have kids. So I’m just going to say the things you aren’t suppose to say about people who have kids;
They. Look. Miserable.
Parents want people to join their cult so they can be miserable with you. Parents bully nonparents into it with statements like; “You don’t want kids? That’s so selfish!” or “But they’re the greatest joys in life.” Really? Then why do you look so angry all the time?
My sister just had a baby and she is exhausted, all the time. I’ve babysat, you constantly have to entertain a child and this means lowering your IQ with baby talk and kids show. There is no adult conversation. It’s draining and unfulfilling (to me).
Everything, everything, a child does is sooo amazing to these parents. They fill baby blogs justifying how unique their kids are when really, they are like everyone else’s kids. They have to tell themselves they are unique to make all this time worth it. Parents live through their kids, making them seem that much more…..pathetic.
I know how hard it will be as a woman to have a child; I know I would be making the sacrifices. Spending the time, the energy to feed, cloth and bath them. Of course men love kids; they work all day and spend 2 hours with them. The most valuable thing in life is time, not youth or money, but time. Kids suck that from you (as well as youth and money).
For other reasons I don’t think this is a world where I want to bring more innocent babies into. Especially since there are so many already here waiting for a parent, why not adopt. This world is a fucked up place. I just don’t think its okay to being more life here when there’s too many already with no parents. Who cares if the baby doesn’t look like you? Neither do our pets and we don’t love them any less.
If children are our future, save the futures of the ones already here.

A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

2010-07-15T16:28:00.000-04:00

Ever feel so lonely? Even though you have a great spouse (or partner), friends, coworkers, pet and family?

I do.

I feel hella guilty too.

There are so many people who have the right to feel way more lonely then me.
1. The Homeless
2. The Elderly in Nursing Homes (Satan's Home)
3. Refugees from our wars aka great USA
4. People that have lost a husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend
5. Military families
6. Single mom's (like my wonderful sister)
7. Mom's in general

Even stating the above doesn't make my feelings anymore valid but they're still there.
Is it from me being unable to relate to people my own age? Im not better then anyone else but most people i try to talk to care what happened on The Hills more then the world. Or getting drunk off of Bud Light. Yum.

Anyways

Maybe im just being a bitch but 99% of what i see on blogspot are moms stuffing our eye's with "our miracle baby" or "our family blog" and they are no different then 99% others. Born, multiply, die. Is makes me more sure then ever to never want to have kids. They seem to take your identity. Make you 'just a mom.' Maybe its just the moms from the square states. my sister is still hot and single with a life. Who (?) knows.

I suppsoe happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product

2010-07-13T22:52:00.000-04:00

The Boyfriend and I

the ex

2010-07-13T19:55:00.001-04:00

The ex (C) called late in the afternoon yesterday. The one whose friends hated me and the one who knocked up his rebound? Couldn't begin to care what he wants so i let it ring, no voicemail. Told The Boyfriend about it. Trying to not hide things from him, must learn from past mistakes.
I just don't know why he called, what could he have to say?
1. I miss you
2. Baby/bastard is born
3. I'm an ass hole
4. 'wants to be friends' which is ridiculous since i cant stand him as a person let alone a friend.

I need to find my copy of 'The Art of War' to refresh my tactics.
Ugg, pisses me off thinking about it.

Job market is shit, especially for me to find a job, yes i have a job but a job in my chosen field of study would be nice . I feel like I'm wasting my time, waiting.
Thinking of teaching English in a foreign country (as my brother does), just to get outta hear. Need excitement, need travel. Need space from everyone.

Europe, The Boyfriend and the Elbow

2010-07-11T02:40:00.000-04:00

Since leaving this journal idle for 2 years much has happened. My brother has moved to Japan, I went backpacking through Europe, my (little sister) got married and had a baby and I moved to Palm Beach Island. Oh and i got attacked while running causing me to break elbow with surgery. I have the best luck with men.
I thought Europe would change me in a way that would be unshakable but you lose that change coming back to the daily grind (aka bullshit). People still watch shit shows there like The Hills or MTV in general, still listen to shit pop dance music, it just seems more exotic. Don't get me wrong, it did change me, it did make me grow and learn and open my mind to a world more then America. Unless you move there its hard to keep that change fresh in your mind. I don't understand how my brother was able to move across the world alone to Japan all on his own for the last, what 3 years? Crazy.

Oh and a new boyfriend, did i not mention that?

A DRAMA FREE, non-cheating, nice guy. You know, a guy you doesn't have friends that call you a slut? German at that, met at FAU of all places. Shall be dubbed 'the boyfriend.' The boyfriend is so sweet, a feminist, a good guy. But i give myself shit for jumping from one boy to the next....so typical for most girls and well...me now too. It just seems so needy, so not me.

Moved to Palm Beach Island, eye rolls all around. The Boyfriend hooked me up with his sister's old apartment so the rent is, well, the right price as in no price (for me). My money is going to medical bills to an accident when i got attacked going running, causing me to fall and break my elbow and have SURGERY. Even though I HAVE health Insurance, it only covered 80% so now i owe the balance. Fuck. Even talking about it pisses me off. Add it to the list. Why would someone attack me anyways? I was just running, minding my own business. It makes me so jumpy now, i always feel watched, always looking over my shoulder. Even less trusting of men if its possible. I've never, ever been so scared.

I also ran a half marathon after breaking my elbow, talk about pain, but it was important to me to do it, so i did it. On a lot of pain meds. I guess to prove to myself i can still be strong, even with an injury and being attacked.

World Cup has been my saving grace for my foul moods. I thought i was supposed to grow out of my teenage angst? Looks like they'll be sticking around.

24 going on 18 or 30?

2010-07-09T15:40:00.000-04:00

"Slutty Bitch" Its been two years since that post, I'm still a bitch, not sure i was ever really slutty. Must update this blog, really, its a good outlet for all the creativity I never use at work. Ever. Speaking of work, here now, someone brought in their 'adorable' child, I'm the only one not out there cooing at it. Its a kid. Big deal. See, STILL a bitch!
uggI need a real job.
Scary thought; 6 years ago i was 18, 6 years from now ill be 30. I feel no less awkward now then i did at 18.

My everyday fighting the good fight for women's rights has gotten put aside for the everyday work to pay bills and well, survive. I'm still a loud mouth feminist with the ever internal struggle of what I'm told a pretty 24 year old is supposed to worry about (my body, hair, boyfriend, partying, etc).

Lately no matter where i am, I'm wishing, wanting to be anywhere else. Especially here.

"slutty bitch"

2008-04-07T11:58:00.001-04:00

Got a Facebook message from one of Chris delightful friends, calling me a "slutty bitch."

I thought it was man-faced Liz or Chris over looking this girls shoulder telling them what to write. Well whomever was behind it, it offended me both as a bitch and someone who doesn't view sex as a slutty thing.

What's wrong with being a bitch? Or sexual curious? I don't get it, when did being a strong women mean you were wrong? I know I'm overly assertive, aggressive, physical, cocky, loud mouthed and opinionated, so why wouldn't this AWESOME FSU girl call me a man? Wouldn't that be more accurate in her closed-extremely sexist mind? I would, by today's sexist standards i suppose.

Well the slutty part I don't get, I'm the most moderately dressed person i know when i "go out." Sorry i can't help it if guys hit on me, even ones that may have a girlfriend. Girls whom are intimidated by other girls usually are called sluts which is what I assume this is.

Hmmm well, as Kanye West would say, "take this haters" I could care less.

"Incest/rape/abuse is boot camp for prostitution."

2008-03-21T22:45:00.000-04:00

This subject touches my heart, its why im in women's studies, sexual abuse and violence against women. I argue with Chris all the time, he thinks prostitution should be legal, i couldn't disagree more. This show, that i furiously copied ALL this info word for word broke my heart. Broke it. We've had "guest speakers" in class that were street walkers, abuse victims, but never like this. 2 hours and i couldn't believe what i was seeing and hearing from these girls OWN mouths.

20/20 "Prostitution in America, working girls speak" **** They sent two years on this. Two years.*****

American Citizens outlook

*disposable beings

*thats your choice, even if violence ensues

*many single moms, baby's father took off, sluts/hoes.

*low life's

Stats listed on the Program

*1 in 4 physically abused or raped

*120 more times more likely to be murdered for women in sex trade industry's.

*Almost all poor

*3/4 sexual abused/physically abused/broken homes

*So many are killed each year, almost never makes the news, since most people don't care

*Women often bounce around from one area to another, streets, brothel, strip club, drugs for sex

*Statistic's about prostitutes hard to research, no one seems to care.

*90% of street prostitutes have pimps, many start out as boyfriends. Violence and drugs consume.

* 85000 women arrested in 2005 for "jobs", there is no national number for a "johns", women are prostituted more because its an easier case.
Police say very few women have residence, so they get longer prison sentences. but men caught mostly, can pay the 14 hundred dollar fine /HIV test and walk free {in Nevada} and have probation (no probation without stable residence). Now across the country theres "John Schools" for those who pick up prostitutes, a school where men learn for a few hours what they did wrong and women mostly go to jail.

*Many want to end it but end up on streets and come back. The shame is to big. They have no school. MAny homeless and foster children become prostitutes, some say 50% others say 75%, its hard to tell because its such a forgotten world, no one cares.

**EVEN in a legalized states, like Nevada, 85% women arrested for prostitution are jailed, (street prostitution not legal, only brothels), but its cheaper so even if its legal in Nevada, street prostitution is by far more popular. Yet women are the ones facing the brunt of the danger.

*the Netherlands and Sweden have brought organized crime to their legalized prostitution. Girls are disappearing, no one is looking for them, they are replaced by the other hundred girls around. Drugs are becoming more and more rampit. So many sex slaves of young girls that the government are trying new laws to get rid of it. One worker from Amsterdam stated, "almost everyone was brought here against their will. They...they don't want to be here. We are beat. Raped. We hate to pretend to smile in windows. Shame. Girls are brought here to young, sold, like animals."

I remember going to Montreal with Dick and one of his friends, we were walking around and one of his friends, on the street, quizzed a prostitute on her prices, dick started to protest but this guy walked over anyways. IHe walked over just to see how much she was and i guess he gave her hope, cause he walked away with a smug faced sneer and she called out (a lower price i guess) of 20 dollars and he started laughing as he walked back to me and Dick standing their waiting for him. I saw a really bad side of someone i thought was okay, and soon after, this person went through problems of his own and dropped out of college so i don't hold it against him, something was already going on in his head.

They also did a photo montage of many women (even in the legal Brothels )and their "descent into hell" how horrible they age, you can see their souls leaving their bodies. I couldn't believe what i was seeing. How could anyone say prostitution should be legal? These are womens bodies, this is high and low class prostitution and they all hate themselves. Legalizing it would make maybe more girls go into it, maybe some that normally wouldn't of. I can't get this one quote out of my head, "Incest/rape/abuse is boot camp for prostitution." I know its ...I'm not blaming men completely, but i can see this. I can see this and it brakes my heart.

They did a segment about "What if it were legal? Talking about {Nevada} and other countries, would it make a difference?
Owners of brothels constantly coaching, pushing more and more. He takes half their pay. They pay their own rent and food, only slightly discounted.
Many lost children of the foster homes. Many had 10 foster homes growing up. Brothel owners (according to women who work there) often recruit from foster children's friends who were foster kids themselves. Again, In Nevada, street prostitution is illegal but by far more popular since it's cheaper, more dangerous, many more deaths when legal areas, even abroad. Suicide rates of women very high .

Quotes

"once your in it, its a lot harder to get out of then you think"
"hardest part?,,,having to be me when its done"
"i hate sex" multiple women said this
Moonlight Bunny Ranch- "Still get shaky, having drinks helped....i don't like doing this."
Moonlight Bunny Ranch- "If you don't like pain, this is the job for you, you'll be numb..... You'll, ......you'll never experience pain, but you wont experience love either"
"there are men who ask me to pretend im there 12 year old daughter...this happens to other girls i talk to."
"Many want the GFE, the Girl Friend Experience"

MAX highest earner Bunny Ranch- "I didn't marry for money, i didn't take any when i left, i had to do it for money, i had nothing left. No schools, nothing. "

"Captain Save a Ho" Bunny Range girl explains - "Like Pretty Women, A guy looking to save us girls, you cant save us anymore."
Bunny Range- "drugs are here, they cant show it, you cant, but its everywhere.Keeps us. Keeps us here"

Owner Bunny Ranch -"be that fantasy, fulfill that dream, make that money, you'll live happily ever after with money."

2008-03-05T21:37:00.000-05:00

It's been a while, school has been kicking my ASS, i need to get my act together, I've been busy being a bookworm and doing the grad school applications.

Why are girls in TV shows like, "Girlicious:The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll" or last season hit, "the Search for the next Pusscat Doll" using the word "girl power." They run around in washcloth clothes with more dollar store glitter then hoes that work the corner of I95. And don't get me started on the Judges, {Robin?) whom started the original group, has more collagen in her mouth then her fake boobies, the other judge, "lil' Kim has had as many face surgery's then Michale Jackson and looks just as.....good.

These shows are all about girl fights, to much makeup, knee high socks and booty shorts and long hair. Throw in the words "girl power" and it's empowering? Lets me fucking real. Its tits and ass for boys to jerk off to and girls to emulate.

Thank god for reality TV. Makes me reassured why i wanna be a writer.

A Prayer from Alice Walker

2007-12-06T21:31:00.000-05:00

WOMAN

TO STOP THE VIOLENCE
AGAINST
WOMAN,
WOMAN
MUST STOP THE VIOLENCE
AGAINST HERSELF

WE CAN BEGIN TO DO THIS
NOW, NOW THAT WE SEE
A SKY
AND NOT A ROCK
A STICK
OR A FIST
ABOVE ALL
OUR HEADS

WOMAN

TO STOP THE VIOLENCE
AGAINST WOMAN,
STOP THE VIOLENCE
THAT YOU
PERPETUATE
AGAINST
YOUR OWN
SISTER
WHO IS
A WOMAN, YOUR OWN
DAUGHTER
WHO IS
A WOMAN,
YOU OWN
DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
WHO IS
A WOMAN
YOUR OWN
MOTHER
WHO IS A WOMEN

WOMAN

TO STOP THE VIOLENCE
AGAINST WOMAN.
STOP THE VIOLENCE
THAT LIVES
IN OPPOSITION
TO YOUR LIFE,
DEEP IN YOUR
OWN TERRORIZED AND
UNCHERISHED HEART

WOMAN

REMEMBER WHO WE ARE:
NOT 'GUYS'
BUT
THE MOTHER
OF ALL
LIVING
WE CREATE OUT OF OUR OWN BLOOD
AND MILK
EVEN
THE CREATURES
WHO OPPRESS
US;
WHETHER THEY ARE MEN
OR
OURSELVES

WOMEN

AWAKE!ARISE!
STAND UP!

WOMAN

TO STOP THE VIOLENCE
AGAINST
WOMAN,
GET UP
ON YOUR PERFECTLY
UNBOUND FEET
WE HAVE LOST THE EARTH
LIVING ON OUR KNEES

http://members.tripod.com/chrisdanielle/alicemain.html
http://www.luminarium.org/contemporary/alicew/

Are some of the many web pages on Alice Walker, a person who has changed the women's movement not just for women by black women.
The first feminist movement was mostly middle class white women, Alice Waker, completely changes that around. She showed race issues and sexism through her book, "The Color Purple."

She continues to inspire me today so I wanted to dedicate an entry to her.

Ant-Feminist Websites

2007-12-05T16:46:00.000-05:00

http://freewebs.com/antifeminist

I debated showing the link, then i saw how little people went to this website. Basically its a ridiculous way for men to put down women. It's almost laughable.

These websites were few and far between. They warn not to donate money to women's groups as and under the link, "what can i do?" it states on the page that men are, "Forced to commit a violent act" against women. Not women who threaten them or mock them, just women who think they are as good as men.

Thankfully after research, it was easy to find out what pig wrote this, a hick, a male hick, I imagine he has a confederate flag and wears overalls and is missing his teeth. I suppose he thinks African Americans aren't equal to whites either.

Yet how many men walk around with these ideas? This is why feminism still exists.

Whenever I tell a male I'm a feminist i either get a "good for you" or a "why you're so pretty!"

I don't think these men are the norm, in fact, they just get angrier and angrier because days of the "good old boy" are long gone and they cant change with the times. Male chauvinists are a dieing breed and I can't wait till they are extinct.

Beauty Pagents

2007-12-05T13:55:00.000-05:00

Why do we really care if Ms. Puerto Rico was pepper sprayed? I clicked onto the MSN home page and low and behold she was on the front cover. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22111394?GT1=10645

Who cares whether or not she was pepper sprayed. There are child slaves and girls getting their clitorises chopped off in female mutilation and this, this is what we care about?

Beauty competitions such as Ms. Universe only started, as well as cheerleaders because women weren't allowed to play organized sports. So thus, they started an organization devoted to beauty. So what is their role now? To inspire young girls to fit into the "norm." Big breasted skinny girls with overly made up hair and pancaked makeup and brushed and poised within a inch of their lives?

I just can't see how this woman, whether she cheated to win or not, deserves any PR at all. She didn't cure cancer, she didn't stop world hunger. She's just a pretty girl with a big sexy scandal surrounding her so the media pays attention.

In Honor of Victoria Secret Fasion Show

2007-12-01T21:25:00.001-05:00

Do me a favor? Know when the "fashion show" (or skank show) airs on CBS you realize what you're looking at is silicone and makeup. These images are what hurts us as females. Walking through the mall, I couldn't help but noticed what the media has done to us as women. We have been made to look like sexual objects, to always look sexually available.
The truth is, most women don't know what they want or their purpose because they are to busy trying to be what men want (I'm speaking about girls my age, 18-30) , sexual objects. In the book, "Transforming A Rape Culture," on page 213 it state's
(THIS IS MY FAVORITE QUOTE SO READ IT CAREFULLY),

"What a girl wants, what a women wants, is what Freud knew is held precious by every MAN: self-determination, autonomy within reason, life without undue fear, liberty without causing harm to others, and the ability to pursue one's happiness. None of those desires can be fulfilled for women so long as we live in a rape culture. A general recognition is dawning that our culture will need both women and men who are strong, wise and generous if the future is to be better then the present."

I can't help but think we could have all this as women if we can start to understand we aren't billboards for sex. We don't have to play stupid and we can assert what we want without bringing sex into it. That women can still have worth if we are not walking sex.

The Introduction, a Little Late

2007-12-01T20:53:00.000-05:00

It was noted to me by a friend, that I never discussed what feminism was. So I suppose, I'll give you a rough definition from the good people at wikipedia.com ;

"Feminism comprises a number of social, cultural and political movements, theories and moral philosophies concerned with gender inequalities and equal rights for women .In the United States, according to some, the history of feminism consists of three waves.^[1]^[2] The first wave in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, the second in the 1960s and 1970s and the third from the 1990s to the present.^[3] Feminist Theory developed from the feminist movement.^[4]^[5] It takes a number of forms in a variety of disciplines such as feminist geography, feminist history and feminist literary criticism. Feminism has changed aspects of Western society. Feminist political activists have been concerned with issues such as a woman's right of contract and property, a woman's right to bodily integrity and autonomy (especially on matters such as reproductive rights, including the right to abortion, access to contraception and quality prenatal care); for protection from domestic violence; against sexual harassment and rape;^[6]^[7] for workplace rights, including maternity leave and equal pay; and against other forms of discrimination"

That I suppose in a nut shell is feminism but so much more. Many people don't understand the three waves of feminism, which is really very important and a key issue. So F-ing look it up. I'm kidding, here is a very basic explanation. First wave feminism, was simple basic human rights women were lacking, very early 19 century. Second wave was more radical from 1960-1980. The third wave is present day, trying to further the rights that second wave failed at.
I know many don't understand the feminist geography and feminist history aspects. Which is a bit more complicated to understand and I get asked about it a lot. Women aren't traced as individuals through history, they are traced through men. Many very important women are left out of the history books or simply understated as individuals. Why? Simple, men write 90% of school history books. In the early 90's this was called to the attention of makers of high school scholastic books, they did nothing to change it. It wasn't until I got to college that I learned how many women in history were left out or simple abandoned all together by historians.
For those interested in read the "The Feminine Mystic," can further explain all these points.

Hollywood Websites

2007-11-05T21:46:00.000-05:00

I check the websites www.perezhilton.com and www.dlisted.com almost daily, they are both funny websites that poke fun of celebrities, mostly they make fun of "actresses/models" who take themselves to seriously. They call out stars on their bullshit to put it basically.

I can't help but notice on these websites, that they attack women's looks more and more. If they look older, they poke fun. If they get work done if they do look old, they poke fun at that. If they are too skinny/fat they poke fun of that. No wonder women are going crazy trying to be perfect.

It should be noted that both these websites are run by males. Does this make it worse? Is it really any better then women's magazine who cut themselves down by constantly talking about weight and beauty.

I have a hard time keeping my obsession with how I look in check. I can get crazy but when all you're told is that "you're pretty/beautiful/sexy/hot/" it's hard to see myself as much else. I mean, yea... I'm passionate as hell, slightly crazy, athletic, a writer, a student, a feminist, a fighter, a lover, a advocate, a victim, a liberal, funny and adventurous but no one sees that, all people see is my outside. When you have a terrific boyfriend like I do, it helps but I can be my own worst critic.

Is there really any clear messages for women that are positive? If there are, they are few and far between.

I have included a picture of me made up and another completely natural, not posing, in a bathing suit, with no makeup, just to keep my ego in check, tummy out and all! Hey, I can't look picture perfect all the time, no matter what the media tells me.

"Forgiveness is more then saying sorry......"

2007-11-04T21:31:00.000-05:00

Are women able to forgive more easily then men? I think men's ego's get in the way to be honest,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forgiveness states,

"Forgiveness is the mental, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution^[1]."

Why is it women might forgive more, is it because we are able to talk about our emotions because its more acceptable by society? I'm unsure, this act of "forgiveness" is really, about being the bigger person. It seems most of history's wars are mens egos so I could easily see why they have more trouble forgiving.
How can people forgive murders? People who rape or steal? I don't even know how to answer that one ...
The "main male" forgiver was Jesus and pulling out my Bible, {finding it slightly dusty after searching for it for a while) states this:

The Miracle of Forgiveness

Mark 2:7-11 (Wey) "Why does this man use such words?" they said; "He is blaspheming. Who can pardon sins but One--that is, God?"... Jesus asked them, "Which is easier?--to say to this paralytic, 'Your sins are pardoned,' or to say, 'Rise, take up your mat, and walk?' But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to pardon sins"--He turned to the paralytic, and said, "To you I say, 'Rise, take up your mat and go home.'"

Conditional Forgiveness

Mat 6:12 (TEB) "Forgive us the wrongs that we have done, as we forgive the wrongs others have done us."

Luke 6:37 (NIV) "...Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

Mat 6:14-15 (NIV) "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

It would be nice if everyone had that outlook huh? If we would have forgave the terrorists of 9-11 think how many thousands of lives we would have saved and not be in war.
If we just forgave the Japanese after Pearl Harbor instead of counter attacking with a bomb in a place that was mostly filled with innocent civilians. If we didn't hold everyday grudges and instead thought about our own mistakes we've made. Why do we, as individuals always exclude ourselves when pointing out mistakes.
Though I do think women can forgive easier, I do know I need to work on my own lack of ability to forgive. If I were to die tomorrow, I'd be so mad at the anger i held in for people that have wronged me, even those who wronged me severely. Still it is hard to look past my own emotions and silently forgive.

"uhhh are you on you're period?"

2007-11-01T22:56:00.001-04:00

No matter what, when a girl gets emotional and spirited or god forbid passionate it usually means a guy is gonna assume shes on her period and gonna ask her.
I'm always a feisty passionate girl, so does that mean I'm leaking blood 24/7? NO, it means I don't keep what I'm feeling bottled up, (maybe that's why serial killers aren't mainly women?} I either display it or feel it....mostly display it psychically.
3 weeks ago, we were having our usual family dinner at my house and my sister turns to me and says,
"I was at Blockbuster renting a video and the guy working recognized my last name and said, 'hey you're sister Avalon punched my cousin in the face" and he said you punched his cousin in the face when he hit on you and you turned him down so he called you a dumb bitch."
My boyfriend who is used to me said "that sounds about right." My parents were mad, mostly my mom but my dad was slightly amused.
I can't help but think I handled that situation like a man but if I had cried or been upset with a guy calling me that, it would of been "to girly."
Perhaps I see crying as something vulnerable and i hate being that way, I only cry when I feel safe enough with the person there to witness it or mostly alone. I just see crying or getting emotional as a waste of time, sometimes I feel actions, maybe physical, are a better reaction.
Maybe I just got tired of being asked if i was on my period.

A For Effort for girls....

2007-11-01T22:20:00.000-04:00

My absolute favorite quote ever, "a prayer for the heart kept in cages" by Tennessee Williams.

I hear girls all the time talk about marriage in classes at FAU, how if they date a guy for more then 6 months they expect a ring or move in together. I hear about a "biological clock" and these girls are barely over 18!
I've been with my boyfriend for more then 2 years, {on and off, off for a few months but mostly on} and I don't expect a ring or commitment anytime soon. It's a good day if he remembers to call me (since we go to separate Universities) and most days he doesn't or I'll have to call him. In fact, he's talked about leaving me more then being with me. He left me for three months going to Europe alone, now he wants to go into the Peace Core without me too, since it's worked into his masters program at FSU.
Why does this tie into my quote? I feel sometimes caged...er... no I really feel caged by everything in this world all the time but I get that, lots of people do. The one time I don't feel caged is when I'm with my boyfriend. Though I do feel, unlike most girls, that I don't need a ring or marriage for commitment. I would however, like to feel the person I'm with isn't wanting to leave me all the time. I'm not one to open up, (to anyone really) and with a long distance boyfriend where conversations are just catching up on the basic comings and goings of the day, I really feel like I don't have anyone to talk to.
I suppose guys don't pick up the phone wanting to discuss feelings, they call to tell you something funny, what they did that day or phone sex. Women I suppose call for the complete opposite reason.
Is it a "girl thing" to call and write letters and stuff for guys when really they just see it as "a cute thing" their girlfriends do and could care less.
Why is it girls can only make the effort when it comes to emotion? Guys will drive, pay and fix things, is this what we've been made to think is making an effort to stay together? Granted I don't want a guy crying on my shoulder after the last episode of "Grey's Anatomy", .....maybe I don't know what I want.
Maybe, no not maybe, I WANT someone who feels caged like me and Tennessee and so at least i know I'm not fighting an uphill battle alone.

Stripping

2007-10-30T21:37:00.000-04:00

Stripping, titty bars, nude bars, topless bars, it's all a sticky subject when it comes to womens issues. Is it an exchange of power for money, (since women do indeed still make 76% to what men make)? Perhaps it's a form of power over?
To me really, it's all visual masturbation, I know I'm going to get "eye fucked" or "mentally undressed" by men even if I'm 100% covered up, I cant help that. So to me, it doesn't matter if a female is naked or not, men will still imagine women however they choose (but probably naked).
I also think it's freeing to be naked or walk around and show some skin when for hundreds of years men have told women to cover up, that womens bodies should be something of shame, as long as its respectable, (for example Playboy yes, Hustler no}.
I don't like to tell others what to do with their bodies or how to display it, so I don't. Stripping to me, can be a powerful thing, it can be beautiful, it can be sexy but it can also be demeaning and disgusting, I think it comes down to whats right for the individual. What if a single mother works 2 nights a week and is able to spend the rest of the time with her children? What about a student trying to make their way through University?
Whose to judge what goes on in anyone else's life?

Abortion

2007-10-30T21:23:00.000-04:00

Abortion, it's an extremely controversial topic, both sides should be clearly heard.
My opinion, since this is my blog, is more important then what others have to say on this topic so I'm going to focus on that{I kid, I kid}.

Here are my short version of a long and complicated topic. It's not women in Congress making these laws up, it's men in suits telling women what to do with their bodies. If it were women getting together deciding what should be done, it might be a little easier. Yet it's not women, it's men, men who have no idea what its like to be a women. How fast would a man change his opinion if his wife or daughter or sister was rapped? How fast would they change their opinions?

Further more, how come the government does not regulate male masturbation? How many million of "potential children" are killed every time a male whacks off? Why doesn't the Catholic Church get on that? Oh yea maybe the church is preoccupied with alter boys....I kid..sorta.

Whore/Madonna Complex

2007-10-23T21:46:00.000-04:00

It seems in this day and age, women can only be sluts or virgins {think the "mothering figure}. Why is women are only one or the other.
I made the mistake of watching the show, "Americas Next Top Model," they critiqued girls if they were just "pretty" or simply "mens magazine pretty."
Why is it women can not be sexy and motherly? Women can not own their sexuality if they have kids? People magazine has their "sexiest male celebrity" and they are almost all fathers.
If women are mothers and sexy, they are branded the title of 'M.I.L.F.' which means, "Mom I'd Like to Fuck." Super classy right? Women can be mothers but must know their place of men's sexual things.

Women and weight

2007-10-19T00:08:00.000-04:00

These pictures were all altered on the website http://celebsonfire.wordpress.com/2007/04/17/fat-hot-celebrities/ . Why is it we pick on women and their weight so horribly? Why is it fat women are useless in todays society?
Female standard of beauty is unreachable without computer airbrushing because its impossible! So when a women gets "large" she is disposable. We are so obsessed with weight loss in this country we have enough time to Photoshop celebrities pictures.
Mens appearance are not critiqued as much as the female form, although its close. I think it's because its men setting the standards in the beauty industry.
One has to wonder why we find these photos just "so amusing."

Women's Poverty Part 2

2007-10-18T23:26:00.000-04:00

Women are more and more becoming the brute force of poverty in this country, as I discussed in my last blog, not only do women get paid less, they also have other factors within their fight to stay above the poverty level.

"At the same time that women produce 75 to 90 percent of food crops in the world, they are responsible for the running of households. According to the United Nations, in no country in the world do men come anywhere close to women in the amount of time spent in housework. Furthermore, despite the efforts of feminist movements, women in the core [wealthiest, Western countries] still suffer disproportionately, leading to what sociologist refer to as the “feminization of poverty,” where two out of every three poor adults are women. The informal slogan of the Decade of Women became “Women do two-thirds of the world’s work, receive 10 percent of the world’s income and own 1 percent of the means of production.”
— Richard H. Robbins, Global Problems and the Culture of Capitalism, (Allyn and Bacon, 1999), p. 354 found at http://www.globalissues.org/HumanRights/WomensRights.asp#FeminizationofPoverty

I am not saying that women are better then men at all, I'm just asking for women to get the recognition they deserve. I think men are reminded how hard they work, I mean, thats basic American History, our founding fathers, how man built this country. Women have been toils of war, stepped on, left to raise the children at home, made to cook and and clean and have children.
I remember, way before I even knew what feminism was, I read this eye opening book and it was excerpts from real, {100% real} diary's and story's of women and depression all the way up from the 1800 century till now. I really really wish i still had it this book or bought it but thats besides the point. There was a few chapters about child rearing and bringing up children and it was so depressing. These women were praying, hoping, writing that they wished they died in their next child birth, that they were so exhausted they wished death. Another women said they would "expose" their little girls because she didn't want them to have the miserable life she had. These were entries from 1900.
I just remembering reading this and being horrified and I can't help wishing i was born a white. A white middle class man would could be free to do what they wanted, I couldn't help but feel jipped being born a girl.
Will this world ever see the contribution's of women?

Women's Poverty Part 1

2007-10-18T23:05:00.000-04:00

Estimated earnings for women are substantially lower than for men
Region	Estimated earnings per year (in 1000s of US dollars at 2003 prices)	Percentage of men’s earnings
Key: The first number in each row represents women The second number in each row represents men Estimated earnings are defined as gross domestic product per capita (measured in US dollars at 2003 prices adjusted for purchasing power parity) adjusted for wage disparities between men and women. Some numbers rounded for display purposes. Source: UNICEF, State of the World’s Children, 2007, p. 41, Figure 3.3
Industrialized nations	21 37	57%
CEE/CIS	4.6 8	59%
Latin American and Carribean	4 10	40%
East Asia and Pacific	4 6.5	62%
Middle East and North Africa	2 7	28%
South Asia	1 2.5	39%
Sub-Saharan Africa	1 2	51%

Women are often underpaid in other countries {this graph found on page http://www.globalissues.org/HumanRights/WomensRights.asp#WomenWorkMoreThanMenButArePaidLess} yet how many people know that the women in this country are severely underpaid as well.
Just think how much work single mothers do and don't get paid for. They cook, clean, do their own child care, car pool and do errands, all of this is a job in itself. Most single mothers have another job on top of taking care of their children and most have to pay for child care when they are at work, causing them to lose even more money.
So why does "womens work" go so unnoticed in this country as well as others. I think men, yes, I'm going there, I think men take us for granted. I think men assume we will do everything and stay quiet, that it's "our roles." That they can go "SPREAD THEIR SEEDS" and we're suppose to just sit tight and have THEIR kids and everything is fine and dandy. And GOD FORBID they get emotional about it, GOD FREAKIN FORBID we have feelings and don't want to be treated as if we will always be there for them, to be taken advantage of mentally, verbaly and physicaly.

Facebook or predator stomping ground?

2007-10-18T00:19:00.000-04:00

According to the website http://womensissues.about.com/ Facebook is the new way for predators to spy on young kids:

"The Office of the Attorney General (OAG) of New York State announced on September 24 that it was looking into Facebook's safety controls. This action was prompted by the results of undercover tests conducted earlier by OAG investigators. Posing as underage users between 12 and 14 years old, the investigators set up Facebook profiles and found out how vulnerable children and adolescents are to the advances of adult sexual predators. As a news release from the Attorney General's Office stated:

Within days of opening these accounts, the OAG received numerous sexual solicitations from adults sent to several of the underage profiles, including:
l “u look too hot....... can i c u online (webcam)? im avl at . . .”
l “i'd love to get off on cam for you hun ; P”
l “do you like sex?”
l “if u want call me [number deleted] or u can give me ur number?”
l “call me if u want to do sex with me [number deleted] ok”
Underage profiles set up by the OAG received several other solicitations of a more graphic nature."

What is with these men that they can't keep it in their pants? What is it about these websites that bring out the worst in men. Theres no excuse, women aren't perfect, so why can women resist the urge to prey over the internet and sexual harass young males? Women can also be sex offenders, yet one has to wonder why on "To Catch a Predator" or websites like these there are vastly fewer female sex offenders preying on young males.
Why is it that myspace.com and facebook.com even have profiles available for underage students, really what can they talk about? They have cell phones and AOL Instant Messenger so I can't imagine that having an Internet profile can do that much more for them. Why not make these sites 18 and over, even if it's mildly unfair, it could be safer.

Muslim Barbie?

2007-10-15T14:07:00.000-04:00

I was on my Hotmail page, when low and behold I came across a title that said "Hot Topics" and a link to the site, http://www.buzzfeed.com/buzz/Muslim_Barbie .
Yes, ladies and gentleman, there is now a Muslim Barbie, her name being 'Fulla'. Thanks to a mother who wanted her daughters to play with a more 'modest toy.' Granted I don't think girls in general need to play with Barbies, with their short shorts and big blue eyes and DSL lips, they all look like the ideal Americanized woman.
Yet as much as i wanted to like this idea of a Muslim Barbie is still makes me irritated. This Barbie, though yes modestly dressed still has double D boobs, a tiny waist and hot hooker pink lips, {umm hello? No one even wears hooker pink lipstick anymore.}
Ahhhh what man doesn't want their woman to look like a freak of nature. I did a paper in high school about the measurements of a "life sized Barbie" and she would literally topple over by the weight of her breasts and her tiny waist couldn't hold her up. Lovely, crush little girls self esteem more eh?
Not everyone in the middle east is loving this doll either. This quote was taken from the web page: http://www.justtotheleft.com/2005/09/barbie-muslim-style.html
'Maan Abdul Salam, a Syrian women's rights advocate, said Fulla was emblematic of a trend toward Islamic conservatism sweeping the Middle East. Though statistics are hard to come by, he said, the percentage of young Arab women who wear the hijab is far higher now than it was a decade ago"

I agree to everyone having the right to religion yet I don't think a women should be forced to cover her body. I look at this like the female form is so hideous it has to be covered. I just don't think we're sluts or 'easy' if we wear t-shirt that show our arms yet I also think this new Barbie is a better replacement then the original. So I suppose I am unsure where I stand on this issue, I can see both sides of the argument and both make sense. So i suppose, the better question is, what do you think?

Hollywood pretends to be perfect

2007-10-15T00:02:00.000-04:00

Salma Hayek boobs she said were real till this photo was brought to her attention.

Idol wannabe Kellie Pickler's "pre op and post op."

Matthew McConaughey's hair is fuller at his premiere in far right 2006, but looks a little thin at Lakers game in 2000 far left.

Paris Hilton's profile in 2001 far left, and in 2007 with a very different nose.

(All of the celebrity's above have deniedor made no comment about their obviously physical improvements.}
Why is it celebrities pretend that they don't have cosmetic surgeries. I think it's to keep the illusion that they are perfect. We give them such high standards that the idea of being normal propels them to lie about their surgeries so god forbid, they are like us normal human beings with flaws.
So with these lies and well done surgeries, I can only imagine how helpless a preteen/adolescent girls feel when they are constantly comparing themselves to their favorite celebrities.
Besides whats so bad about flaws? Flawed noses can add personality, scar's tell stories, lopsided smiles are cute. My absolute favorite thing about my boyfriend is the long scar he got on his right hand where his pinkie finger was removed after an accident in the Army. It's overly sentimental {defiantly overly sentimental for me, I hate romantic movies} but every time I see it, it reminds me how lucky I am he's alive and well and that though yes we all die, it reminds me to enjoy the time we have to together. I guess it reminds me of our own mortality and to me that's romantic. But I'm a freak i suppose.

The point is, if we all looked the same, no one would be beautiful and no one would be ugly, we'd all be robots. Variety is the spice of life! We as women should not to look to others to what we "should look like" and just be who we are.

Women in Fashion Advertisements

2007-10-14T00:38:00.000-04:00

It seems in fashion, women are not only objects, they are sexually powered over by men. They are subliminal messages to the public that slips into our subconsciousness. It's always "men on top" even in a phone ad!

Fashion ad's are notorious for their portal of female sexuality as disposable to men. Take the add by Dolce & Gabbana, its an orgy and the women is helpless. This is rape. Made into a fashion layout. This disgusts me.

This is a typical racist add of women, the "bad black" vs. "the pure white race." What the hell is this add selling? We don't have any idea, because we would just look at the image and flip the page. But these images stay with us, unknowingly and play into our racism.

This add is for ice cream people, ice cream. Used over in Europe. Yup, just wanted to throw this one in there to show just how messed up we as human beings are.

rap lyrics

2007-10-11T22:27:00.000-04:00

hail Mary full of grace.. smack the bitch in the face;
take her Gucci bag and the North Face
off her back, jab her if she act
Hit mummy in the tummy if the hooker plays a dummy
Slit the wrist of little sis
After she sucked the dick, I stabbed her brother with the icepick
because he wanted me to fuck him from the back

These are lyrics to Notorious B.I.G. song "Dead Wrong" where he openly talks about hurting women and controlling them. Not just that, the "Notorious B.I.G." openly beat his wife, Faith Evans and his popularity grew, not declined when this information was made public.

Why is it gangster rap can openly talk about "hoes" and "bitches" and "sluts" with no one saying anything. Women in the music videos for these songs are simply there for their butts or tits all shaking violently at the camera. Really, don't they know that yes, they are gaining fame they are making themselves into just things, sexual things. That these men don't even view them as human beings. How is it empowering to have a man curse so violently at women?

"Put Anthrax on a Tampax and slap you till you can't stand." -- Eminem, "Superman"

"Baby you're so precious
Daddy's so proud of you
Sit down bitch
If you move again I'll beat the shit out of you"---Eminem "Kim"

Eminem was made famous for being a white gangster rapper and I believe he made beating his wife mainstream. At his concerts he took blow up dolls and ripped them apart and said it was his wife "Kim." He even "pretend-acted out violence" in his music videos. This lead to speculations that his wife tried to committing suicide over this. He did not stop.

So when does it stop? When do we say enough?

To all who think feminism isn't needed anymore....

2007-10-09T20:37:00.001-04:00

According to "Perezhilton" celebrity blogger, he posted this item on his blog under Icky Icky Poo > Film Flickers:

"Jeff Robinov, Warner Bros president of production, has industry players buzzing over his future. His decree that “we are no longer doing movies with women in the lead” has sent shock waves throughout the movie biz and even Gloria Allred is complaining!

The LA Weekly is reporting that Robin made his misogynistic decree following the box office disappointments of Jodie Foster’s The Brave One and Nicole Kidman’s The Invasion.

Somebody’s in big trouble!"

This statement, is just an insult to all actresses. What are women suppose to be, just pretty little things in the backdrop of a film? Some "tit's and ass" for men to see, visual masturbation? This man is reducing women to nothing more then objects and saying they are not strong enough to lead a movie. He is arguing a mental weakness in my perspective, (one could easily argue women are physically weaker then men in most cases}, making it something women lack in comparison to men.

Perhaps it goes to show men are not willing to see women in strong roles, that it's a threat to their own masculinity. That the problem does not belong to women in leading roles, it belongs to men refusing to acknowledge that women's roles are changing, both in the cinema world and the real word.

Perez Hilton's blog, { located at www.perezhilton.com} is read by millions of people all over the world, he even received his own TV show due to the popularity of his website. Not only is he bringing this injustice to the worlds attention, Perez Hilton is bashing him, so that his blog readers see how outrages this statement is.

This is an outrages, sexist statement. Proving it's still the men who run things in Hollywood and women are still pretty little things to them . Hopefully this kick in the ass will open some eyes.

Makeup..friend or foe?

2007-10-04T19:38:00.000-04:00

I get why people like makeup or don't wear it at all. You can look natural and improve your appearance when worn correctly {hello giant pimple} or one can look like Tammy Faye Baker

What few girls don't know is the point of makeup is to look aroused. It's made to redden the lips and cheeks, which is what happens when women are sexual aroused. So we use lipstick and blush to walk around looking constantly aroused, to a point.

I have mixed feelings about it personally. I know a ton of feminists that refuse to wear it, find it insulting for "the man" to tell you how to look, to look sexual at all times. I think makeup is changing, now it can be a point of expression. I like to wear that thick 1950's eyeliner and smudge the hell out of it so I get that rock-n-roll and cat-eye look. Sometimes I do bright red lips and white eyeliner to stand out. Really makeup, when you know what you're doing, can be fun.

There are drawbacks, such as men don't wear makeup, they are taught they don't have to always look sexually available. In fact, they can get away with looking casual 99% of the time while girls must have makeup speckled on and their tits or ass or legs showing to be considered attractive. Except for drag queens, who pile it on and over exaggerate what a woman should look like, they play characters of woman (or so I've been told).

So perhaps makeup can only be judged by the individual user, is it a must or something fun? Can you live without it? Perhaps when you go through a couple of tubs of mascara and lipstick you might rethink that look you've got going. I think it's all in the mascaraed eye of the beholder.

The Worst Thing to be Called?..

2007-10-03T16:29:00.000-04:00

"Man, you're such a pussy."

How many times is this phrase used in a day? Whether its a man calling another man that or a man calling a girl that or visa versa. Basically it means you're the biggest wimp ever
So what does this make us as women?

If our sex organs, {or really slang word for our vagina} is the biggest insult to men, what then does that make us, the biggest wimps, something that should be viewed as dirty?

Women in general, are taught to be ashamed of their bodies, they are bombarded by images daily that their boobs aren't big enough, they aren't thin enough, they aren't pretty enough and now with this language used, women are ashamed of the one organ used to create life that, yes, even men are given birth through.

So instead of continuing to have this word being used against us {like the word, "cunt"} to put us in our place, lets fight back and correct people when they use this word in a negative fashion.

If I were a boy....

2007-10-02T21:11:00.000-04:00

I came home from running the Pompano Blimp Base, {a five mile track) at nine o'clock at night. I was told not to do that anymore. I was pissed as usual and said,

"If I were a boy you'd let me!"

To which he replied

"Yes, maybe but i like you as a girl."

I don't get it, if I can run five miles and not get winded, certainly I can handle a guy trying to kidnap me. I always carry my knife with me, strapped around me leg and never listen to music so loud that I don't know whats going on in my surroundings.
I truly do not see how a penis dangling between my legs makes me safer. Does anyone see that logic?
I was in a baggy shirt and shorts, not dressed in "tight workout women's clothes," even though I shouldn't have to describe what I dress myself in! I should be able to walk around naked and men should be able to control their urges to not attack me {well everyone but the boyfriend, i attack him when he's naked}.

Yet I feel I must explain I was not dressed provocative so people don't accuse me of 'asking for it." Sad isn't it? {We as women attack each other when it comes to rapes and kidnappings, we ask, was she drinking? What was she wearing? Placing blames on the victims.}
I wish my father treated me like my older brother, who he doesn't give rules and restrictions to, especially since he got me into playing sports on men's teams.
If he only knew my fighting past....

Tips for Tits?

2007-09-23T23:15:00.000-04:00

I've come to realize I just might be the most honest person that works at Coyote Ugly.

Last night someone gave me their ATM card and asked me to help withdraw money, he then had me type in his pin number and take out 300 bucks from his checking account. Did I mention he was from New Zealand and I could hardly understand him as he swayed back and forth drunk out of his mind? Well I did now and he was!
He then precedes to give me 200 bucks and said he would give me more if I found him some coke. I, being the girl who still believes everyone is good until proven otherwise, said, "Um, like Coke-A- Cola... that's only two dollars not two hundred...?"

To step away from this story for a second, I realize I could of taken his money and avoided him and asked the bouncers to remove him, {he was so out of it, he wouldn't know what was going on.} or got the cops that were standing outside. I also know that I am constantly, constantly being told I need to upgrade drinks and push merchandise. I could have taken this money and bought bartenders shots, my friends were there and I could of bought them a round, buy myself a few shirts, anything with that two hundred bucks.
Yet, as I looked at him, in his blood shot eye's, I felt unbelievably sad. I had served him and his wife and son (or friend) drinks and he was the only one drunk. So I handed him the money back and said no, absolutely no.
Then he handed me a twenty dollar bill and said I had "nice tits." He said it in a degrading way, maybe to elevate himself after he groveled for some cocaine from a girl he didn't know who was serving him drinks at a bar. I handed him back that money too.
At the end of the night, I got lectured that my sales weren't too bad and not too great and I only made 150 bucks in tips and my friends that I tolled the story to were giving me hell for not taking the money but..... I felt okay with myself.
Yea I work for tips but I work hard for them, I know I dress....sexy and I am told how hot/gorgeous/sexy I am, yet when a man degrades me when I won't run along and find him some drugs, even when I'm working for tips, I can't do it. How many girls would have taken that money? Apparently, I am one of the few that didn't. What does that make me and everybody else?

Observations at Coyote Ugly

2007-09-21T14:09:00.000-04:00

So in order to work at Coyotes one has to do "observation hours" I chose to do mine between 10pm-midnight last night since I had a class downtown Ft.Lauderdale and my two friends, Wendy and Milan were doing theirs as well.
So we get to the bar and b.s. for a while, drinking, talking to the bartenders, our regular customers buy Milan, Wendy and I a couple shots and we hang with our bouncers/bar backs. No big deal, until we spread out and do what we're there for, observe.
So I sit in the back of the bar, beer in hand, taking it all in. Another girl who works at Coyotes was there to hang out,{ and shall remain nameless because i didn't ask her if she would mind being written about} walks by to put money in the Jukebox in her cute outfit {not slutty/revealing in anyway} and I see these guys turn around and motion to one another. My Coyote friend is standing at the Jukebox and these guys are drooling, dry humping the air and such, pretending to smack her ass.

{***as a side note, these guys came over to me and asked why my "pretty self was sitting all alone" and proceeded to place a hand on my leg. I growled at them I was doing my observation hours for Coyotes and ripped their hand off my leg and told them if they touched me again I'd bite their balls off. Don't you love my language after working there?}

So they're doing this dry hump/ass smacking motions I've only see dumb frat guys do sober. So I call her over and point to those guys and call them out on their shit. She looks at them and spits in there direction. Those poor souls had no idea she was a Coyote too and is worse than I am when it comes to disrespectful guys. Long story short, they left shortly after I let her know.
As I sat and thought about it, I realized that these guys would NEVER do this if they knew we worked at Coyotes. I've never had a customer there do anything disrespectful and those that do are called out of the microphone in front of the entire bar and jeered and called "pussies" {or words I wont repeat on this blog} and sprayed in the face with God knows what until they leave.
This got me thinking, I know on top of the bar or working behind it, Coyotes have power other girls cant have for protection. Are we transformed into these girls that feel they can take on any guy or is it because guys respect us because of what we do and where we work or do they know we're smart ass tough girls?
These guys get whipped with belts and jeered and sprayed in the face with their own beer and love it. Yet when we are dressed normal, we are disrespected once again. I don't think this has anything to do with us being dressed "normal" or being at Coyote Ugly. This would have happened at any bar we were in because we are pretty girls. So I ask the question, when can normal women be respected and feel safe at a bar when we are indeed NOT dressed to impress?

Boyfriend Clinging Girls...

2007-09-20T19:57:00.000-04:00

When did college girls find identity in their boyfriends?

I can't look through my Facebook, Myspace or any general website without girls clinging to their boyfriends in such forced poses of intimacy.

Looking at my friends pictures on their websites with titles of pictures that say, "his" or "I love my man" or "I love my boyfriend" along with pictures of them making out, looking at one another lovingly or holding one another in awkward poses. Icky!

When did girls become obsessed with talking about "their man?" Not only do these pictures look forced, they seem like the guys could care less, usually they're looking away or looking bored holding/kissing/gazing at their girlfriends. When i peruse guys website profiles that are in relationships, I rarely see pictures like that of their girlfriends. Usually it's them and their buddies drinking/smoking or giving the finger (how original) and the titles of their photo albums are "#1 Player/Pimp" {guess there are hundreds of #1 pimps}.

I also see this at FAU, girls leaning on their man like there's no tomorrow, dry humping before class where I feel like I'm watching HBO soft core porn stepping over them to get to class.

When did strong minded college girls care so much about broadcasting who they were through a man? College is all about finding "oneself." I cant help but compare myself with these girls, my boyfriend goes to graduate school 6 hours away, he left me for three months to backpack through Europe alone and never once did I stop and think, "oh no my life is over blah blah bliddy blah" if anything, I was like, "hell yea time to cheat!"

I kid I kid!
Yet I do wonder how many "true love couples" really are anything but pretty pictures and false identities .

Coyote Ugly

2007-09-17T22:46:00.000-04:00

So, I'm a feminist, that just so happens to work at Coyote Ugly...does this make me a hypocrite?

I used to think so until I actually went into the bar and saw that it was women dominating men, whipping them, spraying beer in their faces and heckling them from the bar. I see these women I work with, how pretty they are and how perhaps....... I can see the other side to this bar.

I love working there but are we exploiting ourselves for money? If not ourselves then our beauty? I am constantly told I don't hustle enough with guys, or "work them" enough. I'm also told if I dress more provocatively I'd get more tips {I dress more conservatively then most}. Sure I still make great tips and drinks bought for me but I cant play the game the other girls I work with play. I can't play that "tickle their dick game" that other girls can, I can only be me, so when they ask for my number or ask for a hug, I sneer.
One night I worked, a guy was talking to me and said, "You must hate guys after working here," and I thought, I don't hate men, thats not what Feminism is about, its about equality. Though I do understand why he said it, guys hitting on you, looking at you as if you are naked, making comments.

Am I any different then other girls at FAU? I mean how many girls use guys for drinks and free stuff at FAU, {or "sugar daddy's" as they're called}.

Is that any excuse?

2007-09-11T20:10:00.000-04:00

We have to pay for women's safety now. After the shooting at Columbine High School and Virgina Tech one would think that safety is a right, especially at a University. Yet the Florida Atlantic Police department held a RAD{Rape Aggression Defense} course, charging students $10 and $20 for all alumni and staff.

This women only course is “a program of realistic self-defense tactics and techniques for women, with awareness, prevention, risk reduction and risk avoidance.” The police department further explains they are simply charging for the class due to, “the rising costs of reprinting student manuals and replacing equipment, a nominal fee is charged for the course.”

For a school that has so much money that they can afford to completely redesign the cafeteria off the Breezeway and constantly expand and construct new buildings, I would think they could throw a little money towards violence awareness among students. Why not make it mandatory, for BOTH sexes?

Looking past the fees, I ask myself, what is FAU doing to protect all of their students? I cant help but think that the police department offering an anti-rape class for men to take is the best “risk reduction” and “risk avoidance. ” Yet the pressure and responsibility is put on the women to take the classes and be responsible around men, not the other way around. Some students disagree, senior and N.O.W. (National Organization of Woman) member Nondance Garrett stated;

“I know the idea that the course is only offered to women can make a feminist feel queasy, but not all women think alike.” .

Perhaps it’s because we have Mr.Brogan’s perspective about whats important (President of the University} and not a womans. I think a female University President might have a better understanding, that a woman should yes, be prepared but why should we be the only ones to work towards a common goal of safety?

Just this week in my “Women, Violence, Resistance” class taught by Dr. Jane Caputi, she raised the question would rape and violence occur as much or at all in a matriarchal society? Would the world be as violent if women were in charge, would men be in an anti-rape class?

“Rapes occur at a much higher rate amongst women than men and why is that?” Continues Nondance Garrett. “ Isn't it because women typically grow up in a world dominated by men, where they're afraid to stand up for themselves and say no? If that wasn't the case, what would feminists be fighting for?”

To elaborate even further, when a women who has done nothing wrong but prepare for the worst as well as paying for safety and the opposite sex have not been tolled to take a class on rape prevention one cant help but stop and think how unfair it is. As well as the fact it means enforcing the stereotype women should be in fear of men.

Women shouldn’t have to pay for their safety but in a male dominated society, one cant help but sigh and sign the check.

American Apparel

2007-09-06T21:09:00.000-04:00

Yes, the uber-indie clothing store famous for its "sweatshop free clothing" that many pseudo intellectual emo kids wear are {of course} oblivious to the numerous sexual assault cases based on the company, mainly female workers. As the links below show

http://www.blacktable.com/graham050720.htm

http://majikthise.typepad.com/majikthise_/2005/07/dov_charney_of_.html

http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F30913F638550C7A8DDDAB0994DE404482&n=Top%2fReference%2fTimes%20Topics%2fSubjects%2fS%2fSexual%20Harassment

So why do they still get the indie press they don't deserve? I cant pick up a hip underground magazine without one of their androgynous models staring back at me.

Are these the choices we have to now? A piece of sweat shop made clothing or one from places where women aren't safe in the work place?

1st Entry

2007-09-06T20:54:00.000-04:00

This blog is an assignment for my Multimedia Studies class, so yes, it is for a grade.
So welcome to my world of ranting and bitching ...just kidding...?...

I'm a senior at Florida Atlantic University, a double major in Journalism and World Politics/Humanities {Human Rights} with a minor in Women's Studies. I try and take at least one or two womens studies classes a semester, so hopefully anyone who reads this will think I'm slightly informed....and funny.

Besides, I talk everyones ears off about womens issues anyways, now at least I have a bigger audience.